It’s the end of the year again, and a year now passes as quickly as a month did in my childhood. This year was the first year emerging from the pandemic. It seems things have returned to normal, yet somehow not quite. I can’t quite put my finger on what went wrong.

In this year-end summary, I’ll share some of the questions and confusions I encountered this year. It’s both an attempt to organize my life experiences and a chance to share some ways of thinking about problems.

Blind Dates, Marriage, and What Love Is

I went on plenty of blind dates this year, and I can say that every person I met was sincere. But unfortunately, nothing came of it. This matters to me most, so I’ll bring it up first.

What does the love we want look like? I’ve thought about this for a long time and have talked with many people: female friends, male friends, the unmarried, the married, and those on the verge of divorce.

Everyone has their own answer. Most lean toward a similar view: love is a kind of equivalent exchange. If I want someone to love me, I should love them first; if I give love, I should receive love in return.

A former colleague recommended I read The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm. The book upended many of my assumptions and made me rethink what a good relationship looks like—whether with family, friends, or strangers.

Love is not an equivalent exchange. A good relationship is mutual giving, a positive action, and through that action, you inspire love in the other person.

In a consumer society, love is treated as a lucky accident that comes through “attraction,” and people mistake the satisfaction produced by hormones for love. Pursuing this kind of love is, in essence, a form of narcissism—the motive is oneself, the goal is to receive. True love is often overlooked. Love isn’t opening a mystery box; it requires constant learning and practice. In other words, love is something you cultivate. Learning to “give” goes against human nature. Wedding vows like “for better or worse, in sickness and in health, I will never leave you” are moving precisely because they defy our nature and require effort to fulfill.

Love is a process, like growing a flower. The purpose of a blind date is neither love at first sight nor a weighing of both sides’ conditions on a scale in search of balance. A blind date is simply an opportunity to meet someone who, like me, has the patience to cultivate this flower. Expecting it to bloom too early or too late will cause it to wilt. It’s about small, accumulated acts of giving, and keeping an even heart rather than over-demanding.

There are countless roses in the world, but only the rose on the Little Prince’s planet is unique. Because the Little Prince spent time watering it, it became one of a kind.

This is something my former colleague, Teacher Jingzi, taught me.

The Virus, Pharyngitis, and Caring for the Unwell Middle-Aged

I never used to believe in the notion of “clashing with Tai Sui” in one’s zodiac year.

In March, I went to Germany on a business trip. I had dodged two variant waves back in China, but as the saying goes, tempting fate will be answered—I caught a local German strain.

For the three days I had a fever, I stayed in my hotel room, repeatedly stepping into the shower to cool down. The German cleaning lady who came by took one look at my state and suspected I was doing drugs in the room.

No thermometer, no medicine, no hot water. For three days I ate six apples and a pack of instant noodles. Fortunately, the fever broke before my flight back, and I made it onto the plane. Along the way, due to a rebooking, my visa had expired, and the German customs took me into a small room to sign a “confession” for overstaying. Compared to that, everything else was trivial.

For the next six months or so, my bronchitis and pharyngitis kept flaring up. I suspected I might have a pulmonary nodule (a checkup did find a very small one), but the doctor said pulmonary nodules usually have no symptoms, and that what I had was pharyngitis. I tried many treatments, and the following methods were relatively effective. I hope they’re helpful to fellow pharyngitis sufferers.

• Determine whether it’s a mix of pharyngitis and bronchitis (coughing, chest tightness). Treat the bronchitis first—usually with nebulizer treatments at a small clinic.
• To clear phlegm, take ambroxol orally. Excessive phlegm in the early stage makes you want to clear your throat and cough, which damages the mucosa’s repair. Drink more water, and avoid coughing.
• After eating spicy food or drinking coffee, rinse your mouth with saline. Caffeine and sweets continue to irritate the throat, causing congestion and excess phlegm.
• Boost immunity. Another trigger for pharyngitis is allergies: temperature changes, air quality, and sleep all play a role.
• Niacin and vitamin B2 help repair the mucosa, and vitamin C boosts immunity. The vitamin chewable tablets sold at Chengdu Aotelie cost just a few bucks and work very well.

When the pharyngitis was almost gone, my back started acting up. Years of hunching over a desk, rounded shoulders, a hunched back, an aching waist and neck. This year I bought a sit-stand desk and an ergonomic chair. At the same time, I did some research into methods that could improve posture.

For most people, when the arms hang naturally, the palms face the body. But people who use a keyboard for long periods end up with inwardly rotated scapulae and a hunched, rounded back. So the first step is to change the resting position of your arms. At the same time, when training at the gym, make sure the frequency of chest and back muscle training is 1:2—that is, lots of back training—so the back muscles pull the shoulders backward. For more, you can refer to shuaisoserious’s video - 【Fix Your Posture】3 Steps to Quickly Say Goodbye to Rounded Shoulders and Hunchback!.

Housing, Wealth, Side Projects

A spring wave of real estate recovery prompted many around me to buy homes in Chengdu. I started paying attention to the property market around May, viewing dozens of places, both resale and new. I’m still on the fence (indecision 😂).

I used to have a mistaken view of debt: that the less debt, the better. This led me to miss the best window to buy a home. But this year’s economy is rough, and everyone’s started paying down debt, so the people without debt are breathing a little easier (when the old man lost his horse, who knew if it was a blessing).

I can’t really give advice on buying a home. My judgment at the start of the year was that the economy would get worse, so waiting is the best investment. I’d recommend a podcast episode: To Buy or Not to Buy, To Sell or Not to Sell—That Is the Question. The two guests are “old money,” who supports property investment, and “David Weng,” who believes there’s no rush to invest in the short term. The clash of these two viewpoints is brilliant. This episode is easily my favorite podcast of the year. If you have questions about real estate, give it a listen.

I also studied some macroeconomics this year, from watching Xiaolin Says videos to reading Inside the System, the book that broke out of its niche. But what helped me most were a series of talks by Mr. Fu Peng of Northeast Securities at an economics forum (especially his macroeconomic predictions at the beginning of the year), and a book recommended by an online friend, The Fiscal Code of the Central Empire. This book dissects the rise and fall of dynasties from a fiscal perspective, analyzing how patterns of interest and bureaucratic systems shaped the fate of nations, and how later rulers tried to solve the problems left by their predecessors. You can read it as a starting point for understanding real-world economic issues, or as a casual read for leisure. History is a mirror; people are repeaters.

As for side projects, not much progress this year. In October, I planned to build a WeChat Reading Notes web app, but later discovered someone had already built one that exceeded my expectations, so I gave up. The one small comfort is that a Python utility library I maintain has crossed 300 GitHub stars and was cited by a French lab, which gave me the energy to occasionally go fix some bugs. In the second half of the year, I met a few indie developer friends, of whom MazzyStar impressed me the most. He used to be an algorithm engineer, quit, and went to live and code in seclusion in South Korea. He’s made several AI-related apps whose monthly revenue is enough to cover his daily expenses—truly impressive. In 2024, I hope to have the chance to meet these indie dev friends in person.

I also read some books about indie projects this year. I’d recommend Simple and Usable: Strategies for Memorable, Effective, User-Centered Design. If you want to build something small and beautiful, this book is worth a read.

Work and Interpersonal Relationships

Work this year was uneventful. My current work environment keeps changing my personality.

My previous company had an open, ambitious learning environment that had a very positive influence on me, but I lacked solid project experience. In the two-plus years at my current company, the projects I’ve worked on have had increasingly strict industrial standards and higher requirements for software security and compliance. I’ve also learned a great deal about European and American industry standards along the way. I often think of a quote from the late Mr. Chen Hao: “Aim for the top, settle for the middle.” When building software, the first thing is to check whether there’s an industrial standard, then refer to industry best practices. You can’t fix an entire home renovation with a single nail gun—that’s a slapdash approach.

My current work environment has plenty of problems, too. The standout one is the extremely high cost of communication. Colleagues in India, Turkey, and Germany collaborate remotely, yet there’s no well-defined development process, and the department lacks a culture that encourages sharing knowledge and improving work quality. This means even simple work needs a dozen meetings to inch forward. The upside is that I’ve picked up some work techniques in this torturous communication environment. In large enterprises, conflicts of interest are common, and most people’s goal is not to do the work well, but to keep their seat secure. So it goes: some are responsible for baking the cake, others for dividing it. To push work forward, it’s best to divide the cake in advance. For things that are hard to push through (especially those involving interests), many issues shouldn’t be raised in group meetings—such as development or cross-team collaboration. Instead, communicate privately in advance, secure buy-in from key stakeholders, and raise the chances of adoption in the meeting. Additionally, getting interrupted in group meetings is normal. The weight of each person’s words differs; the later you speak, the more initiative you have, so it’s wise to rein in your urge to speak.

That’s all I’ll share. This year hasn’t been easy for anyone, and next year’s economy is uncertain too. As individuals, I hope we can all enjoy the process of climbing, stay healthy, and, when the chance comes, do something for the people we love.